Stages of Grief

Every since May 1st, I knew the WAO was doomed. At first, I could not believe the Cryers took over the WAO in such a sneaky and deplorable manner. For about two weeks, I kept praying she would realize how much out of her league she was and bring back the people who actually made a difference at the WAO.

Once I learned the WAO closed and the animals were either relocated or, in the cases of Maverick and Royale, euthanized, I felt incredible pain and guilt. Learning that Mindy also died during this timeframe was heart breaking. I kept thinking if I’d only did “this” or “that,” things would have been different and the animals would still be alive today. My heart hurt for the animals because I was powerless to save them.

Today, I am in the third stage of grief – Anger. I’ve already passed bargaining as I kept bargaining with God to give me a second chance to save the animals months ago. I blamed God for letting the animals die or move away and I was absolutely furious at the Cryers for their incredible selfishness. Clearly, I am still angry at many people responsible for the downfall of the sanctuary – the Asvestas’, the Cryers, all past and present board members, the all the animal caretakers who kept their mouths shut when they should have been advocating for the animals), and even Dawn Smith for playing games with me during this most difficult time of feeding and protecting the animals. Oh, and let’s not forget those who sat on the sidelines and just watched this disaster as it happened: OAG, USDA, IFAW, HSUS, PETA, SPCA, Voices for Animals, and the like.

I don’t know how long I’ll be in this state, but I don’t blame God any more as I know He is with the animals, either in body or spirit. I also know he will protect the WAO animals as they move on to their new homes.

So instead, I plan to use my current feelings of anger and work hard on updating my blog, to include information from my very first year of the investigation into a new blog called BB Notebook (Before Blog Notebook). I know I will eventually work through all the grief steps, and I plan to do with by taking just one day at a time.

So, if my blogs during this period sound curt and sarcastic, well, just chalk it up to my “anger” period and read on!

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.